The young child’s physical, emotional and cognitive needs

Supporting your child’s fundamental needs contributes to feelings of belonging, purpose and joy!

By Cozette Laubser

Children are the most amazing gift, but raising them comes with a great deal of uncertainty and fluctuation – what worked yesterday, does not necessarily work today. The constant stir-up is stimulating at the best of times and utterly exhausting at the worst of times. “What is it now?!!” I have asked countless times as little mister sunshine tornados into a thundering cloud.

I have the privilege of working with parents and educators and sharing with them the phenomenal brain growth that takes shape in the first crucial years of life. Every session starts with education about the brain, as our inherent biology and how we function, directs so much of our behaviour.

BRAIN DEVELOPMENT IN THE EARLY YEARS

A newborn baby’s brain weighs approximately 350g at birth, by the time the baby reaches their first birthday, the brain has almost tripled in size and weighs approximately 1 kg. By 6 years of age, the young child’s brain weighs approximately 1.2 kg and by adulthood between 1.4 – 1.5 kg. Isn’t that astonishing? If every parent and educator had to know this, I am quite sure we would approach these years with the utmost sensitivity and awe. These years truly are the fundamental years of life!

Not only is the brain growth fast in the first years, it is also very specific and provides invaluable insight into what the child needs, how they feel loved, and what interests and excites them.

According to Paul Maclean and his Triune Brain Theory, all three layers of the brain are present at birth but do not develop at the same time at the same rate. Each layer of the Triune Brain has specific functions and characteristics that become apparent during an age-determined developmental sequence.

THE RED LAYER

From conception to 14 months is the most sensitive time to develop the Survival Brain. The function of the Survival Brain is physical development, including the basic wiring needed for all communication between the senses, brain and muscles. Baby milestones like sucking, rolling, sitting, crawling and walking are all reliable indicators that the brain and body are developing well. In this time frame, there is no such thing as being too active – movement in the body means motion in the brain.

THE YELLOW LAYER

From 14 months to 3 years is the most sensitive time to develop the Limbic System. The function of the Limbic System is emotional development. This is a very selfish time in a developing child’s life, everything is about me, mine and self. Rightly so. The child is establishing their own identity before they take on a group identity. This is the only time in life when it is age-appropriate to be selfish. As uncomfortable and frustrating as this time can be if approached with understanding and clear boundaries, it can set the child up for a lifetime of emotional health and maturity because they had ample opportunity to explore their emotions before they were expected to control them.

Emotional and social development are intertwined, but social development takes the lead as the child starts to want to belong to a group. From 3 – 4 years is the most sensitive time to develop the child socially. Here playing and talking often depicts hierarchy, measuring and sorting of some sort – “This stick is dad, he is the tallest, then comes mom, then me, here is my teeny tiny baby brother.” When friends come over you hear “I am the fastest”, “my turn first”, “I go in front”. All different phrases that describe how they make sense of their position within a group.

THE GREEN LAYER

From 4 – 11 years is the most sensitive time to develop the Neocortex. The function of the Neocortex is cognitive development. This is where language, reasoning, problem-solving and abstract concepts reside. If a child has spent their early years submerged in hands-on experiences where a parent or educator used simple, yet clear and correct wording to describe what they were experiencing and doing, the child is now eager to learn on a more complex level, they are ready to move from the world of real things to the world of letters and symbols.

Author and founder of BabyGym, Dr Melodie de Jager, overlaps the Triune Brain Theory with an analogy of building a house. According to Dr de Jager, the bottom-up approach of building a house applies to whole brain development too. The quality of physical development will contribute to the quality of emotional-, social and cognitive development.

A FAMILY UNIT THAT SUPPORTS SEQUENTIAL DEVELOPMENT

THE RED LAYER
Conception to 14 months

• The baby’s most fundamental need is to be wanted and accepted. During pregnancy, this means a mom’s loving strokes over her belly are not only registered by the baby but actually change the chemistry between the mom and baby.
• Once born, placing the baby skin-to-skin with mom, and later with dad, is the most fundamental way to calm the baby’s nervous system and to ready the baby for this entirely new sensory world.
• Attaching and bonding with mom and dad is not only great for the relationship but is the first step in brain development.
• Massage can be a great tool to find your feet in this new relationship. It is also a wonderful way to develop body awareness.
• Family time altogether on the floor ensures everyone gets moving. This is the prime time to ensure baby moves well. Grab this opportunity with both hands.
• Keep an eye on baby’s progress through milestones. Your baby’s physical development is fundamental to all future development and learning.

THE YELLOW LAYER
14 Months to 4 years

• A large part of the day should still be spent playing and learning with their whole body.
• Ensure the child is progressing from using their big muscles to using their small muscles with ease.
• Mealtime around a table is a sure way to create a sense of belonging. Not only is it a great time of day to touch base, but it is also where children learn about table manners, family-, cultural- and religious rituals. Around the table is a fundamental place where children figure out where they belong in life.
• As the child grows, so does their role around meal times. Setting the table, counting the correct number of plates, tidying up and saying thanks for a healthy meal.
• As the child moves into a sensitive time frame for emotional and social development meal time becomes an anchor point in re-establishing your family values – what you deem acceptable language, food preferences and what not. My 3-year-old went from eating healthy and enjoying generous portions to saying “yuck!” to almost everything. Not only is this worrying and frustrating, but it is rude too! Thankfully, we could acknowledge that he was replaying conversations that took place at school among peers. Your consistency and gentle guidance are exceptionally important during this time.
• One-on-one time between parent and child is now of the utmost importance. Eye contact, undivided attention and genuine interest in your child will go a very long way. Even if it is just 15 minutes at a time.
• Create a home rhythm that is predictable and ensures they can look forward to connecting with you, even if it is not right this minute. For instance, school pick-up and drop-off times are device-free times, where both parent and child are truly present. Bath time is a time to ask questions about the day, like what they learnt or how their friends are doing. Bedtime means everyone huddles up together, mom reads a story, dad says a prayer and then we turn off the light. When there is predictability, whatever predictability looks like for your unique family, it is easier to accept that mom needs some quiet time in the office or dad needs to take an urgent call, because they know you will always come back to them.

THE GREEN LAYER
4 – 11 years

• This is typically a time when children are expected to sit still for longer and learn – balance this with enough opportunity to move spontaneously throughout the day.
• Introduce age-appropriate tasks in and around the home. Every family member should make a practical contribution to the day-to-day running of the household. Whether that be feeding the animals, watering the plants, or sweeping the stoep.
• Be clear about roles in the home, for instance, children sort and tidy their own toys, and the domestic help cleans. Thus, tidying and cleaning are two different roles.
• Be clear about what tasks will be renumerated and what not. For instance, making your own bed happens without payment, but washing dad’s car will earn you some cash.
• Make sure the fundamental building blocks for reading are in place. If a child reads effortlessly, they will enjoy reading, once they enjoy reading, they can learn from anyone anywhere, across any distance. This is one of the greatest gifts you can offer your child.
• Talk, talk, and talk some more. Your child can only know what you expose them to.
• Spend time with your child indoors and outdoors. Learn what interests them and where their natural abilities and talents lie.
• Share with them your dreams, hopes and interests. It is valuable for children to learn that their parents are so much more than rule makers – they too are people who had to find their path one decision at a time.

“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family.” Anthony Brandt

The family unit lies at the core of brain development, for it is the nervous system’s first requirement to feel safe and secure before it can adapt and learn. From conception to 11 years of age the brain develops at an astonishing rate, it truly is a marvellously sensitive time to achieve a lot with very little.

For some, this realisation might be overwhelming. Be encouraged that the brain never loses its ability to heal, adapt or develop, it might just happen at a slower pace later on in life.

From babyhood to the teenage years, the same fundamental brain pathways and relational ties exist. As Robert John Meehan says, “Every ounce of effort we put into our children today will someday be measured and accounted for in our children’s futures”.

De Jager, M. 2019. Brain development, milestones and learning. Johannesburg: Mind Moves Institute Publishing.
De Jager, M. 2017. Play Learn Grow (Birth to 3). Johannesburg: Mind Moves Institute Publishing.

Cozette Laubser is an Advanced BabyGym Instructor, Play Learn Grow Workshop Facilitator, Childbirth Educator, Birth Doula and mom to two zestful boys, Ulrich and Jurgen.